Let Our Hearts Dream

I seem to be so caught up in the moment that I’ve lost all direction

How can I feel happy but yet completely lost at the same time? As soon as I take a step back and look at my life I can’t make sense of any of it. What do I want? I’m just drifting through life without actually doing anything. Even though i’m blessed to have so many great friends I feel like I don’t truly connect with any of them. If i was asked exactly what all these  people mean to me I honestly couldn’t answer because I’ve never really thought about it until now.

I’ve also lost the ability to really feel attracted to someone I believe. It seems strange that even though i’m surrounded by people most of the time i still feel somewhat incomplete. It’s almost like a scar that i’ll never get rid of, not having a girlfriend. Even though I don’t always notice it, it’s always there. Like somehow I’m missing out on some essential part of myself. I rely so much on others that I wonder who I actually am. Without other people I would be nothing.

I should probably not complain because I have so much that I can be happy about at the moment. But in a sense its almost like i’m deceiving myself into a different reality. Am I really, truely, happy?